“Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.” — C.S. Lewis
(This brings up an interesting question. Should anyone feel compelled to forgive, when there has been no apology, and/or no explanation, for the hurtful offense? For me, asking for forgiveness is essentially the same as an apology. So, without dragging religious beliefs and ideology into the issue, isn’t there a reasonable expectation of an apology, and hopefully an explanation, prior to the act of forgiveness? If you diagram it as a process, it usually goes: Offense -> Hurt -> Apology/Explanation -> Forgiveness. So, why would the offender expect/deserve forgiveness without fulfilling the third step of the process? As a rational being, shouldn’t the offended have the right to understand what they are forgiving? Don’t worry folks. This is not about me. But, it is about someone who is very close to me. Some have been pushing my friend, for a kind of blanket, open forgiveness, while others are adherents of the process. Thoughts? Be well and do good, my friends.) — YUR
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Unclerave's Wordy Weblog 
Forgiveness is a matter of self-preservation, inner-healing and cleansing. Whether the offense has been acknowledged by the offender or not, forgiveness allows the offended the opportunity of being released from the impact thereof. This is my experience. ~Storm
I’m down with the benefits of forgiveness, stormiesteele. And, I do think it’s a necessity. But still, the offended has the right to know why the offender offended. Forgiveness has to come from the heart AND the mind. — YUR
I really do share your sentiments, “the offended has the right to know”. However, forgiveness need not be delayed holding out for that “right” to be filled. Many never apologize, or even care to recognize their offences.
Some things will never be understood…~Storm
You’re right, Storm. “Many never apologize, or even care to recognize their offenses.” Those are the types you *can* forgive . . . in your heart, if you so choose. But, with my particular example “why would the offender EXPECT/deserve forgiveness” without doing their part? Does the offender LEARN anything if they’re not required to recognize the pain they’ve caused? And, wouldn’t they be likely to repeat the pain? Forgiveness is good for the heart and soul of the aggrieved, but how does the offender benefit by being forgiven without ever seeking forgiveness?
— YUR
I respect your sentiments. While I can not answer how the offender will learn from their offences, I will say that life, that being the events and encounters of our time have a powerful way of awakening the sleeping soul.
As we seek to move forward through forgiveness, the offender’s actions have little impact upon us.
When offenses go unacknowledged, whatever the relationship was…is no longer. Such being the case, the offender has to live/reckon with self. ~Storm
Storm,
My friend’s lifelong friendship with the offender is now effectively over. An apology/explanation could possibly help to mend the fences, but there is no guarantee of that. The popular phrase: *Forgive and forget* is not very realistic. Forgiveness has great merit, but outside of some kind of lobotomy forgetting is nearly impossible. I’ll urge my friend to try to forgive the ex-friend, in her own heart, and just try to move on from what was, and probably can no longer be.
Thank you for being the only one of my readers to give me feedback on this subject. I truly appreciate it.
— YUR