Posts Tagged 'Parody'

Kontemptible Karl – Update!

We’ve come to this remote island, and you’ll never believe what we’ve found.  The fugitive, Rove!  (Seems he can’t hide here, either.)

Simply serve an arrest warrant, with the assistance of the local authorities, and he’ll be in U.S. custody in no time!  Find out: why he outed a CIA agent, how he targeted and harassed an “unfriendly” governor . . . all on the sly.

I’m Bill Curtis.  And I’ve just found . . . the fugitive, Rove.

Karl rove can’t hide anymore.  Get the Contempt of Congress charge back on the table, and restore this country’s Rule of Law!

(Uncle Rave has been granted full immunity for any resemblance this may have to any actual telecom commercial.)   YUR

Rove Ignores Subpoena – House Judiciary Sics the “Dog” on Him

The House Judiciary Committee has just announced that they have hired the services of Duane “Dog” Chapman to bring in the fugitive, Karl Rove.  We understand, from President Bush’s own words, that Rove is on the run.  “Karl Rove is moving on down the road.”  And, apparently Mr. Bush is still in contact with the fugitive, Rove.  “I’ll be on the road behind you here in a little bit.”  The fiendishly defiant Rove was heard to be taunting his pursuers, stating: “Well, I’m Moby Dick and they’re after me.”  Authorities are warning the public that Rove is “crafty, acerbic, and cutthroat”.

Rove, a college dropout, who got his start by working for George H.W. Bush in the 1970s got to know George W. Bush and masterminded his rise to the Texas governor’s mansion and the White House.  They quickly became known as “Pinkie and The Brain”.

This just in from A&E studios.  “Dog” has tracked the fugitive Rove down to Ingram, Texas.  I’m Bill Curtis.  We take you now to our very first ever live broadcast of “Dog the Bounty Hunter”. 

BC:  Duane!  Are you OK?  What happened here, Dog?

Dog:  I tracked the perp to this trailer park, here in Ingram.  I saw through the window that he was sittin’ in a lawn chair, wearin’ nothin’ but his boxers and a wife-beater, drinkin’ a Lone Star.  D’ja ever drink Lone Star, Bill?

BC:  I can’t say that I’ve had the pleasure, Dog.  But, back to the fugitive Rove.  What happened here?

Dog:  Well, I kicked in the door, like I always do, and I yells at him:  On the ground, dirtbag!  Eat the carpet!

BC:  Sounds like you had him dead to rights, Duane.  Where is he?

Dog:  Ye-aah.  Well, I’m gettin’ there.  Instead of him gettin’ on the floor, he just started cryin’ like a little bitch.  He was goin’ on about how he can’t go to prison, and something about delicate alibaster skin.  But, then he stopped cryin’ and offered me one a his beers.  This messed up drama scene caught me a little by surprise, and I was pretty thirsty, so I says:  Sure, I’ll take a brewski.

BC:  Oh no, Dog!  You didn’t!

Dog:  He looked me square in the eye, with this strange little smile.  I reached for the beer . . . and he hauls off and kicks me in the nads!  I went down like a ton a bricks.

BC:  You fell for the old “Have a beer” ploy?  How could you, Dog?

Dog:  Before I could make it up he’d run outta there, laughin’ like he was the Riddler or sumpin.  And, for a four-eyed, bald, fat little f___(CENSORED) he moves pretty good.

BC:  Well, there you have it, folks.  The fugitive Rove, utilizing his crafty and cutthroat wiles, has eluded capture.  He is a slippery one, folks.  The authorities warn us that only trained professionals should attempt to approach the fugitive Rove.  He’s very dangerous, and this being Texas, he may be armed.  I’m Bill Curtis.

We now return you to A&E studios, to our previously scheduled show “Biography”: Richard Nixon (“I am not a crook”), already in progress.

To be continued???

Your Uncle Rave     

Spitzkrieg Slop

(All apologies to Tommy Ramone)

Spitzkrieg Slop 

Hey, ho!  Let go!  Hey, ho!  Let go!
Hey, ho!  Let go!  Hey, ho!  Let go!

They found out I am Client 9
I stepped upon a land mine
Matt Lauer’s losing his mind
The Spitzkrieg Slop

They found out I paid 4 grand
Joe Bruno told me: Pound sand
I’ll soon be using my hand
The Spitzkrieg Slop

Hey, ho!  Let go. Shoot me in the crotch now
What they want, for me to go
They smelled blood, what a show

They’re foaming at the mouth now
And Silda’s having a cow
My girls’ll hear it, and how
The Spitzkrieg Slop

They’re piling on in Wall Street
Because they know I’m dead meat
They’re kicking me in the seat
The Spitzkrieg Slop

Hey, ho!  Let go. Shoot me in the crotch now
What they want, for me to go
They smelled blood, what a show

I cheated on my haus frau
She’s gonna make me say: Ow
She’ll take away my kids now
The Spitzkrieg Slop

They’ve gotten up my behind
So now I’ve got to resign
The poontang wasn’t THAT fine
The Spitzkrieg Slop

Hey, ho!  Let go!  Hey, ho!  Let go!
Hey, ho!  Let go!  Hey, ho!  I’LL GO!!!

Who luvs ya, babies?  Your Uncle Rave does.


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