The House Judiciary Committee has just announced that they have hired the services of Duane “Dog” Chapman to bring in the fugitive, Karl Rove. We understand, from President Bush’s own words, that Rove is on the run. “Karl Rove is moving on down the road.” And, apparently Mr. Bush is still in contact with the fugitive, Rove. “I’ll be on the road behind you here in a little bit.” The fiendishly defiant Rove was heard to be taunting his pursuers, stating: “Well, I’m Moby Dick and they’re after me.” Authorities are warning the public that Rove is “crafty, acerbic, and cutthroat”.
Rove, a college dropout, who got his start by working for George H.W. Bush in the 1970s got to know George W. Bush and masterminded his rise to the Texas governor’s mansion and the White House. They quickly became known as “Pinkie and The Brain”.
This just in from A&E studios. “Dog” has tracked the fugitive Rove down to Ingram, Texas. I’m Bill Curtis. We take you now to our very first ever live broadcast of “Dog the Bounty Hunter”.
BC: Duane! Are you OK? What happened here, Dog?
Dog: I tracked the perp to this trailer park, here in Ingram. I saw through the window that he was sittin’ in a lawn chair, wearin’ nothin’ but his boxers and a wife-beater, drinkin’ a Lone Star. D’ja ever drink Lone Star, Bill?
BC: I can’t say that I’ve had the pleasure, Dog. But, back to the fugitive Rove. What happened here?
Dog: Well, I kicked in the door, like I always do, and I yells at him: On the ground, dirtbag! Eat the carpet!
BC: Sounds like you had him dead to rights, Duane. Where is he?
Dog: Ye-aah. Well, I’m gettin’ there. Instead of him gettin’ on the floor, he just started cryin’ like a little bitch. He was goin’ on about how he can’t go to prison, and something about delicate alibaster skin. But, then he stopped cryin’ and offered me one a his beers. This messed up drama scene caught me a little by surprise, and I was pretty thirsty, so I says: Sure, I’ll take a brewski.
BC: Oh no, Dog! You didn’t!
Dog: He looked me square in the eye, with this strange little smile. I reached for the beer . . . and he hauls off and kicks me in the nads! I went down like a ton a bricks.
BC: You fell for the old “Have a beer” ploy? How could you, Dog?
Dog: Before I could make it up he’d run outta there, laughin’ like he was the Riddler or sumpin. And, for a four-eyed, bald, fat little f___(CENSORED) he moves pretty good.
BC: Well, there you have it, folks. The fugitive Rove, utilizing his crafty and cutthroat wiles, has eluded capture. He is a slippery one, folks. The authorities warn us that only trained professionals should attempt to approach the fugitive Rove. He’s very dangerous, and this being Texas, he may be armed. I’m Bill Curtis.
We now return you to A&E studios, to our previously scheduled show “Biography”: Richard Nixon (“I am not a crook”), already in progress.
To be continued???
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