The House Judiciary Committee has just announced that they have hired the services of Duane “Dog” Chapman to bring in the fugitive, Karl Rove. We understand, from President Bush’s own words, that Rove is on the run. “Karl Rove is moving on down the road.” And, apparently Mr. Bush is still in contact with the fugitive, Rove. “I’ll be on the road behind you here in a little bit.” The fiendishly defiant Rove was heard to be taunting his pursuers, stating: “Well, I’m Moby Dick and they’re after me.” Authorities are warning the public that Rove is “crafty, acerbic, and cutthroat”.
Rove, a college dropout, who got his start by working for George H.W. Bush in the 1970s got to know George W. Bush and masterminded his rise to the Texas governor’s mansion and the White House. They quickly became known as “Pinkie and The Brain”.
This just in from A&E studios. “Dog” has tracked the fugitive Rove down to Ingram, Texas. I’m Bill Curtis. We take you now to our very first ever live broadcast of “Dog the Bounty Hunter”.
BC: Duane! Are you OK? What happened here, Dog?
Dog: I tracked the perp to this trailer park, here in Ingram. I saw through the window that he was sittin’ in a lawn chair, wearin’ nothin’ but his boxers and a wife-beater, drinkin’ a Lone Star. D’ja ever drink Lone Star, Bill?
BC: I can’t say that I’ve had the pleasure, Dog. But, back to the fugitive Rove. What happened here?
Dog: Well, I kicked in the door, like I always do, and I yells at him: On the ground, dirtbag! Eat the carpet!
BC: Sounds like you had him dead to rights, Duane. Where is he?
Dog: Ye-aah. Well, I’m gettin’ there. Instead of him gettin’ on the floor, he just started cryin’ like a little bitch. He was goin’ on about how he can’t go to prison, and something about delicate alibaster skin. But, then he stopped cryin’ and offered me one a his beers. This messed up drama scene caught me a little by surprise, and I was pretty thirsty, so I says: Sure, I’ll take a brewski.
BC: Oh no, Dog! You didn’t!
Dog: He looked me square in the eye, with this strange little smile. I reached for the beer . . . and he hauls off and kicks me in the nads! I went down like a ton a bricks.
BC: You fell for the old “Have a beer” ploy? How could you, Dog?
Dog: Before I could make it up he’d run outta there, laughin’ like he was the Riddler or sumpin. And, for a four-eyed, bald, fat little f___(CENSORED) he moves pretty good.
BC: Well, there you have it, folks. The fugitive Rove, utilizing his crafty and cutthroat wiles, has eluded capture. He is a slippery one, folks. The authorities warn us that only trained professionals should attempt to approach the fugitive Rove. He’s very dangerous, and this being Texas, he may be armed. I’m Bill Curtis.
We now return you to A&E studios, to our previously scheduled show “Biography”: Richard Nixon (“I am not a crook”), already in progress.
To be continued???
Your Uncle Rave
Hillary’s Paranoid Delusions – Part II
Published May 28, 2008 Commentary , Current Events , Media , Politics Leave a CommentTags: Commentary, Current Events, Media, Politics
Being neither black, nor a woman, I feel I can look at the situation fairly objectively. Some “individuals” in the media may have demonstrated some form of an anti-woman bias, but a few individuals do not constitute “the media”. And please, don’t bring up anybody from FOX “News” as an example of Hillary/sexist bashing, because EVERYONE knows the agenda of THAT network.
I have seen just as much of an empty bias, in favor of Hillary, from some very prominent women in the media. Maureen Dowd, for example, writes as though Hillary Clinton is the female messiah, and that the presidency is – somehow – her divine right. Even Gwen Ifill – who I generally admire – has a hard time concealing her obvious bias towards Hillary.
And, it’s not just women in the media. After both the Ohio and Pennsylvania primaries Tim Russert could hardly contain himself, he was so happy for Hillary! And, all the unqualified adjectives (some superlative) that the media used in describing (the few) Clinton victories showed me that “the media” was NOT favoring Obama. As a matter of fact, though conveniently forgotten, prior to Obama’s upset victory in the Iowa caucuses, he was actually trailing in New Hampshire polls. But, in the days following Iowa, all of a sudden, the polls had him ahead by nearly 9 % points?!?! This set up Hillary’s “upset” victory, that the media then ballyhooed, despite the fact that she won by a mere 3%. In the weeks leading up to the Pennsylvania primary she had as much as a 22% lead over Obama, but when Hillary won by 9.4% the media acted as though it were a major coup. For a few days they were still crowing about it being a “double digit” victory, when it was known on Wednesday morning that she didn’t crack 10%, which still reflected a drop in support of 12+%. New York (favorite daughter), Ohio and Pennsylvania set the stage for Indiana, West Virginia and Kentucky. In Indiana Obama led Clinton by “a statistically-insignificant 45% to 43%, with 7% undecided and a 3.9% margin of error”, yet her 1.12% victory was also hailed as a major upset by the very media that is allegedly against her, and for Obama. And, with West Virginia and Kentucky, Obama realized that his chances of any kind of enlightenment of those states’ – predominantly non-educated, working class, white – voters were slim to none, so he focused his energies on the primaries where he at least stood a chance of winning. In most political circles, this is considered good strategy. Clinton’s victories in those two states were predictable, especially considering the not so subtle race card she had been playing since the Ohio primary. And, yet again, the nasty sexist media somehow found a way to heap the superlatives for those victories of hers that were always forgone conclusions to begin with. Adjectives, such as “Trounce” and “Landslide” for these particular states could just as easily have been replaced with “Duh”.
Some feel that Hillary is the only one who can carry the South. On the contrary, Obama has actually won more southern contests than Clinton. (Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas and Missouri) The only southern states that Hillary won were Tennessee, Kentucky (two “Duh” states), Arkansas (former favorite daughter), and Florida. And, Florida was predictable, considering its constituency, and doesn’t count, regardless, because they (like Michigan) ignored the rules and held unsanctioned primaries.
In my mind it has been just too easy for some to make the sexist allegations. Women, who seem to value feminism, over everything else, are all too willing to make mountains out of the molehills. It helps in casting themselves as the oppressed, because it allows them to claim “a” (not “the”) moral high ground. Hillary’s core supporters (other than the race-baited “hard-working whites”) are the white women, who are generally 50 and over. They lived through the big feminist movement that ran from the latter ’60s through the early ’80s. They are more in tune with the disappointment of the failure of not passing the ERA (Equal Rights Amendment). In my opinion, these supporters are wearing blinders that allow them a very narrow focus, but prohibit them from seeing all that is going on around them. I applaud those who have had the courage to remove those blinders, and I hope and pray that more of them will find that same courage.
Sexism and racism are, unfortunately, still factors in our society, and for that matter most of the world. It’s clear to me, as it should be clear to others, which candidate is playing up the bias angle, and which one is trying to reach out to the broadest spectrum of the electorate.
Your Uncle Rave