Archive for March 26th, 2008

New AND Improved John McCain Scandal!

 This may come as a shock to some of you, but I feel it is my duty, as a citizen, to inform the American voters of the sordid truth of their Republican Presidential candidate John McCain.  The mainstream media, and McCain himself, has done greatly to prevent this story from becoming public.  Back in November of 1999 I personally used an over-the-counter medication and I personally engaged in politically incorrect activities with the senior Senator from Arizona.  I met John McCain at an upscale senior center in Phoenix, where we knocked back shots of Geritol before continuing the party on the senior center’s bus.  On the bus we reminisced about the women we thought we might have slept with.  We both agreed that that Mary Pickford was the cat’s pajamas!  After a few more shots of Geritol we engaged in some arm wrestling, and finished off the night of debauchery by giving each other Indian Rub Burns.  We probably didn’t get back ‘til nigh-on 8:30!

To those of you who question the veracity of my story I have proof (sort of) that this is all true.  I have a sworn statement from Myrtle Fine’s daughter Odalys that says that Myrtle was the bus driver that fateful evening, and she saw everything!  Odalys now resides at the very same senior center!  Unfortunately, Myrtle herself passed in 2004.

I am also fully prepared to take a polygraph test . . . as long as someone will be pay me $10,000 to do so . . . with the promise that I will be paid an additional $100,000 if . . . er when I pass.

Your (TIC) Uncle Rave

Cryptoquote Spoiler

“Humility is the solid foundation of all the virtues.”  — Confucius

Jumble Spoiler

CEDDI = DICED, GIHLT = LIGHT, LAIFAC = FACIAL, TIGBLE = GIBLET   — Giving us:  DDLIHFCIGET

Clue/Question: Giving junior a heap of educational toys made him a —

Answer: “GIFTEDCHILD


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